Sacrifice.

34 weeks…

Ok, y’all…Time for some real talk. My goal of sharing this journey with you was/is to always provide full transparency into the life of a gestational carrier- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Luckily for me, there isn’t really any bad/ugly to speak of. But there is one thing- maybe more of an underlying feeling- that becomes tangible in a sense if/when it presents itself. And that feeling is one of sacrifice.

When you are a gc, you go into the process knowing there will be some things you have to give up (alcohol, I’m talking to you, old friend). There are also some unintended/unexpected losses (‘friends’ who don’t quite understand your purpose, for example). But this week I was reminded that while I am belly deep in this process, life goes on around me, and invariably there will be things I cannot do, things I will miss, things I will ultimately sacrifice.

I’ve always said I went into this eyes wide open. Again, I knew from the beginning that I would make sacrifices. And gladly. But because there is no way to pinpoint exactly when you will be pregnant as a gc, it is just as difficult to know exactly what you will sacrifice. With the twins, who were born in August, it was pretty uneventful. I was home the week before the kids went back to school, and they were both within walking distance, so there were no issues with transportation. Last Friday, I had my first 2-week appointment with my OB. While there, we discussed the show choir schedule for our kids (we both have one involved) in relation to my pregnancy and fast-approaching delivery. These shows start early and typically do not end until after midnight. The kids perform in West Virginia this weekend, 3 hours away. Their next two performances are over 2 hours away, consecutive weekends right before I deliver. My doctor does not feel comfortable with me driving and attending (especially solo) the West Virginia performance. He said I can go to the next two if 1) I am feeling up to the hours of travel and sitting, and 2) I have an out- meaning that in the event I go into labor, I have my vehicle handy and an immediate means to get to my hospital back here as soon as possible…Preferably with a driver other than myself. Ok. So those shows are covered.

The next show is Saturday, 3/2. I deliver Thursday, 2/28. Because of my c-section, I will be in the hospital for that one. In the middle of the night last night it hit me. In addition to worrying about who will take care of my dogs, and who will get the kids to and from school- while I am in the hospital and after, during my restricted driving (their dad works out of state)- I now have to figure out how I will get my daughter’s hair curled and pinned the night before the show, and who will get her to the bus Saturday morning. All of this on top of knowing I will miss that show. I have never once missed a performance- EVER- and it is weighing heavily on my heart. It is my plan to have someone bring her to me in the hospital on Friday afternoon/evening so I can do her hair. Beyond that I am working through options, few though they are. I don’t have family or friends close who are available to help, and I’ve never been good at asking for it anyway. Fingers crossed I have a few good Karma points to cash in and a solution will present itself. LOL!

Listen… I would never take back my decision to carry again. I’ve loved every minute of getting to know this family and the privilege of carrying this sweet baby girl for them. I’m so fortunate to have teenage kids who fully understand the importance of what we are doing, including changes we may have had to make, and things we may have to put on hold, give up, or miss. That being said, (and contrary to the definition of ‘sacrifice‘), I would never put anything above my children and would not be pregnant without their blessing. I know how fortunate I am to have such special, understanding kids. In 5 short weeks, life will begin to get back to normal for our household. Until then, stay tuned while my family grows another…