Going the distance.

36 weeks…

When you carry a baby for someone else, especially someone you didn’t know beforehand, you may not partner with a family in the same city, state, or even country. Have I worked with a family somewhat nearby? Yes. The twins I carried were relatively local to me, and it was definitely convenient for many reasons. But the family of this baby is not local, not even the same time zone. And while we have taken it in stride so far, this week the full ramifications of what that distance has- and could- mean, started to creep into my thoughts.

Call it last-minute nerves, or pre-delivery jitters, but as the end of this pregnancy draws near at a RAPID pace, I find myself playing the ‘what-if‘ game when I am alone with my thoughts. It was difficult enough experiencing ultrasounds and finding out the baby’s gender without her parents there. To me, those days are highlights of any pregnancy and I just really felt bad that they had to miss out. The parents were able to fly in for a visit in January, go to a doctor’s appointment, meet my OB in person (finally), and tour the hospital. That visit helped a LOT.

I am super sensitive to their very unique situation, and I make sure to set time aside after every appointment to call them and give them updates. This week one of the parents was unable to make the call (due to being called into work) and asked via the other if it would be ok to reach out to me later in the day. Of course! Less than an hour later we were on the phone, and she was in tears because she felt bad for missing my first call. I think the time, the distance, the nerves, the sheer magnitude of the journey, had finally just come to a head. Oh how I wish she were here so I could hug her! I keep trying to put myself in their shoes, to imagine what it must be like to attempt to go about your day having to fully trust someone else with your baby, your heart, your happiness. Though exciting, it would be overwhelming, terrifying, and exhausting.

So what has me playing the aforementioned ‘what-if‘ game? The delivery. Not the c-section itself. I am confident in my OB. He has successfully delivered 4 children out of this body, 3 via c-section. Yeah. We’ve got this. No, my concern is the family being there to hold their little miracle the minute she is born. While I have never gone into spontaneous labor, when you are a gestational carrier, you cannot really bank anything on history. And we all know that babies have ideas of their own. With that in mind, what if she tries to make her grand appearance before her parent’s arrival to my fair town? Yes. Yes. They intend to arrive a few days early just in case, but what if they are not early enough? They are an 11+ hour (plus a time change) drive away if they push it, but they are allocating 2 days to make the trip if all goes according to plan. But what if it doesn’t? They could attempt to fly, but airlines are about as predictable as babies. What if their flight is delayed? What if? What if? What if? Quick! Someone change the subject and give my mind a break!!

Guys…At the end of the day, I am sure it is all going to go smoothly. Everything will be F I N E fine. Certainly I am just getting anxious, especially with several moving parts and a 100% lack of control during almost every stretch of this experience. I sent the pictured coordinate bracelet to the baby’s mom as a symbol of our journey together, of our strong bond- so close, albeit over so many miles away. In just over 3 weeks, the the figurative and literal distance of this journey- 12 years and 675 miles– will be more than worth it. Until then, stay tuned while my family grows another…