Be Present.

27 weeks…

I attend a monthly ‘Seekers and Healers’ speaker series. Before the event began yesterday, a woman I have seen the last two times approached me and said she has enjoyed watching my belly grow, and asked when I am due… assuming it is soon (OK, I get it, people…I. Am. HUGE). I told her I have 13 weeks left. She said she bets that I hope the time goes quickly. I answered how I answer everyone who says/asks this…

I’m actually NOT hoping the time goes quickly. Once I deliver this baby, she will be gone forever. I LOVE being pregnant, and I truly try to enjoy and live in the moment while I can. Every wiggle, every kick is so magical. I really choose to focus only on the positive. Because I go into each pregnancy with the mindset that it is temporary and finite, it is easier to push through the tougher days- the inevitable ones where my back is sore, my ankles are swollen, where I am just plain tired- because, as the old saying goes: ‘This, too, shall pass.’

We continued to chat, and I went on to say that at the end of this pregnancy, I will have my 3rd c-section (one with my son, one with the twins I carried, and then this baby). When she asked if the impending surgery scares me, I said that it doesn’t, that I honestly don’t think about it much. I jokingly added that I would love it if she isn’t as big as I feel like she is, though.

We take our seats and the speaker begins. She is a Shastri for Shambhala Columbus, a local Buddhist meditation center. Ironically, the topic she was speaking on is ‘Living Beyond Hope & Fear.’ I listen to her gentle voice as she talks; it feels like a warm hug. I’m attentive, but calm and relaxed. The baby is peaceful and asleep. Then she says something that makes my pulse quicken. I’m paraphrasing, but she essentially says that ‘whether you spend your days hoping for something, or spend your days fearing it, either way you are not living in the moment.’ And I swear she spoke right to my very soul. Wasn’t I just saying this and didn’t even realize it?! The baby must have felt the change in me- my awakening– because she woke up, too, but physically.

Without knowing it, I make sure to spend each day being present in my pregnancy, a concept I struggle with in many other aspects of my life. I tend to get so caught up in what I needed to do and what still needs done, hoping things will change, and fearing what could be if things changed, that I often forget to love and enjoy what IS. So although this little one will leave me forever in a few short months, something I’ve learned from this experience will remain in my heart and mind always…Be present. For the next 12 weeks, I will sponge up the magic that is pregnancy while I continue to work on being present in the magic that is life. Keep me honest, friends. And be sure to stay tuned while my family grows another…