God’s Plan

28 weeks…

I debated discussing this seemingly controversial topic, but in effort to keep the sharing of this experience completely real and transparent, it has to be addressed.  And I promise, it isn’t what you think. Soooo…Here we go.

It never fails…Among endless positivity and excitement surrounding news of a new baby on the way, after all of the curiosity-fueled typical questions surrounding the gestational carrier process, you always have ‘that guy‘ who asks some version of ‘Do yo think it is in God’s plan for these people to have children?’ They usually rush on to explain what they meant, which sounds something like, ‘If they have tried unsuccessfully to have a baby for so many years, maybe it simply wasn’t meant to be.’ To an extent, I understand where they are coming from, why they might think this way. I do not, however, agree with it. And here is why…

I truly believe that, while confusing and with greater reasons not always obvious, things happen the way they were meant to…be it at the hand of God, fate, the Universe, or another higher power. Does this mean life happens without disappointment and hurt? Does this mean these folks were not meant to have children of their own? Hell. No. We all know better. Heck, this blog wouldn’t exist if that were the case. But if there is one thing I learned through my own fertility struggles, and then through the struggles of those I have carried for, those of you who have reached out to me with your stories, and friends and family who have also struggled, it is that you truly have to trust the process- your individual journey- and to realize that some paths have more twists, turns, and detours than others. Some have road blocks. And it isn’t fair. Sometimes it downright sucks. But what if there is something bigger, something better going on, and we just don’t know it yet??

Of course, some people have had delays in their road to having a family for what others may consider ‘typical’ (read: widely-acceptable/understandable/explainable) reasons- they are gay, are outside of the ‘safe’ age, have a non-traditional relationship or home life, health issues, financial problems- and people are super quick to suggest that this is where ‘God steps in’ to prevent it from happening. Without delving into religion (believe it or not, that is actually NOT what this post is about), it would be incredibly difficult to accept this logic when the world is full of children who have been born into situations that are far less than ideal.

Someone once told me that babies choose their parents, so sometimes it takes longer than others. And sometimes it happens long before, or when you are least prepared. I am living proof of this. It took me two years and assistance to get pregnant with my daughter. And when she was only 5 months old (and after I said I would not have any more children, EVER), I found out I was pregnant with my son. Sometimes babies are born to different parents before they find the ones who will raise them. Other times children audition more than one set of parents before they are connected with the perfect ones for them. The parents of this baby said that even though they have had much heartbreak in the 12 years they have tried for another child, they now know that it was because this was the road they had to travel for me to come into their lives. The hurt and the disappointment all make sense now. We are family. This is the baby who was meant to be theirs, 12 years in the making. But we would have never met without them needing some help along the way to have this little girl. So maybe it was ‘God’s Plan‘ all along… Twelve years down and officially just under 12 weeks to go until they meet her. Until then, stay tuned while my family grows another…